Having a mental health day today. Having a downer. How the doctors can say i dont have bipolar is beyond me. They have litterally said people with bipolar run down the street naked when on a high. Im sure they dont all do that. So i have been labeled with EUPD not entirley sure what that means. So im trying not to do something stupid.
Im finding it hard feeling so unloved. No family, No friends, Not worthy enough to be stay faithful too and not a great mum. I try to speak to the doctors or my ex and all i get is the same. U are loved, u do have friends, its all going to be fine. Anyone that has felt like this knows that doesnt help at all. Just makes u not want to speak about it cause no one gets it.
I have been doctors they just say its circumstancial depression and wont help. I wont take tablets as they make its worse for a few weeks and me worse is not a good idea. I feel like i need to be back in a mental home for a little while. but i have full custody and must carry on. I have phone smaratans but they didnt answer, i called the crisis team they said i was calling the wrong number and hung up. And they wonder why suicide rates are on the rise. So i have steps to take to help me.
Step one:
Watch a series i really wanna watch. Im watching shameless US and working
Step two:
Throw myself into work. Thats all i have been doing.
Step three:
Clean on tiktok, But my large account has been banned and just depressing to see my little following. i need the conversation flowing. I bounce of people.
Step four:
Not a great one i know but cutting by this point im to far gone dont even realise what im doing. I kinda just happens. Its like being in a daze my mind clears, tears run down my face but in a trance.
Step five:
The bad bad step
So right now im on step 1
