As I type this I am laying bed with tissue shoved up my nose to stop it running, and that’s not even the worst it gets.
lets start from the beginning…….
As a child I was a healthy little girl, always moaning I couldn’t take sick days from school. After some family issue (will leave that for another time) I ran away and eventually moved out at 14.
Heres where my body decides its annoyed with me. Being a girl of 14 I got my period, this wasn’t my first but it was unlike any other that I had experienced. I was being sick doubled over in pain. I didn’t know any different so carried on my life as normal. I got my first boyfriend at 16 and had my first miscarriage shortly after. that was the first of 6.
After this I had a downwards spiral, with self harm and suicide attempts. But life went on and so did the painful periods. They were lasting 8+ days and caused passing out, pain, sleepless nights and many lost jobs.
THE ANGER….
During the worst times in 2005 I was working at a harbour. I loved my job, being next the sea and the sun. don’t get me wrong winter was hell but worth it for those summer months. watching the tide come in and out. Feeling happy for the first time in a long time.
I had many appointments with the doctors and hospital for this unexplained pain I was getting during periods. I had scan after scan and no one could tell me what was wrong apart from maybe I have a low pain threshold.
I began having time off work or having to leave early. That’s when I started to hear the rumors, the people at work who I thought were my friends were whispering behind my back. Saying I was making the pain up and just trying to get out of work. I later found out when I needed to leave early they were watching me on the cameras seeing if I was limping running off.
I ended up on Tramadol for the pain and constantly fighting with the partner i had at the time. He and his family also didn’t believe i was ill. One day I suggested Endometriosis to the doctor and it just clicked and she referred me staright to the hospital. This is where the anger start. I went to see the gynae and was told that’s impossible I just don’t handle pain well. I insisted on a exploratory laporoscopy and was told theres no point as he wont find anything. I managed to talk him round.
I went for my operation and so much riding on it. Before I went in my partner at the time told me if they don’t find anything we were over and the surgeon said he is sure there will be nothing to find.
I must have looked crazy cause when I woke up and got dressed and sat eagerly for the results with my ex and his auntie. The surgeon came to see us. I do have Endometriosis. I cheered and said thank u. It was such a sigh of relief.
Not one person apologised to me.
Years later. its now 2018…
I have been thru a lot but here is a brief overview. Since my first operation in 2006 I have had 11 to date, 6 miscarriages, 2 gorgeous kids, 1 heart attack, been diagnosed with Fybromyalgia, Polymyagia, Bipolar and Borderline Personality Disorder. Collapsed twice on nights out, fractured my neck and lost countless jobs.
People don’t see what others go through and don’t care but we all need support and love in our lives. This is my first ever blog and the reason I am doing this is I am suffering mentally and maybe if I write it down it will help.
