Super Natural Story Lines

I am such a supernatural fan. Whether it be TRUE BLOOD, SUPERNATURAL, VAMPIRE DIARIES, TEEN WOLF or ne of my favourites TWILIGHT. OMG nearly forgot BUFFY.

Here is where it gets silly. Why do they differ so much. In some the vampires sparkle in sun light in others they burn and catch on fire in the sun. Then you have the zombies that in one film or series only walk or drag themselves. Then in others they can run just as fast as you. What about werewolves in one silver can kill them or even just touching a silver bullet will burn a werewolf. But in one series its not the silver its self but the family with the surname Argent which means silver.

I love them all but with so many conflicting descriptions of the characters it gets a little annoying.

Also why cant there just be territories, why is there always so many supernatural creatures in one place. It gets confusing. With werewolves, witches, vampires, banshees, spirits and shapeshifters all in the same shows. Cant one be in one town and the other in another and so forth keep to there own towns. Or why are they all fighting each other why not all help each other against hunters.

But after all this I LOVE Supernatural no one can stay mad a Sam and Dean (especially Dean OMG)

Whats your favourite?

When you stomach decides ur to fat

Well my body has a funny way of shocking me almost every week.

This maybe a short blog as feeling very dizzy. It is not Sunday and I haven’t eaten since Wednesday. My stomach has decided I need to loose some weight.

Its like ARE YOU SERIOUSLY I have already lost a stone (which I needed to). But this no eating thing is doing my head in.

I got a major headache on Wednesday night. I call it a ice cream headache the sort that feels like you have sharp poker being shoved through you brain. I put it down to a sinus headache as I have a cold.

Not kept food down since. Doctors wont help but lost half a stone.

Will try everyday to eat a little and hope I don’t throw up…..

To be continued……

The Truth about Endometriosis

I was diagnosed in 2006 at the age of 22. But the pain started years before.

This is going to go in depth so if you are squeamish this might not be the blog for you.

It all started at 14 when I got my period. The pain was horrendous and the bleeding was scary. I bleed for 11 days and went through 3 backs of pads. I was worried and scared but was told it was normal.

The periods carried on this way to the extent I was in a lesson and waited til everyone had left because I had bleed through onto the seat enough to make a puddle. But once again I was told this was normal.

I was a shy girl and did not know how to talk about things and even though I had 5 sisters was not close to any of them, so didn’t discuss anything with them. I was a lonely child.

At 16 I got pregnant and lost my baby at 4 months. It was devastating but was told it happens to everyone. Since then I have misscarragied 5 more babies due to endometriosis. They were all bad and scary.

Although one stands out. I got cramps and it wasn’t endo didn’t think nothing of it and didn’t know I was pregnant at the time. Then the bleeding started but this time it was different. I had misscarriaged before so I kinda knew. I went to the doctors and they confirmed the miscarriage although I had not passed all the tissue so was give a pill to help me pass the rest. The second pill i had to take at the hospital. It was heart breaking.

I arrived at the hospital and was taken to the maternity ward and put in a side room. I could hear women in labour and babies crying. The pain got worse and worse and I was alone. I passed the baby and the nurse asked me if I wanted to look. Who asks that question I was not far gone so my baby was more blood then anything else. I told her something didn’t feel right. But 10 mins after I miscarried she sent me home. I walked home alone that night. It was around 10 at night.

I was going to a car show and felt fine just slight back ache. Whilst there the craps started again, I managed to hide it and on the way home I asked the friend drive to take it easy as pain was bad. he was a dick and thought it was funny to go the route with all the speed bumps. By the time I got back to my area I asked him to drop me off at the hospital. I was in agony but no one came with me. I told the receptionist what was happening, by this time I was bleeding all down my legs and informed them this and told to just sit down. I called a friend to bring me pads and I was changing all the time. The waiting room was packed and there was blood all over me. I finally got taken in and was told until they confirm I was actually miscarriaging they would not give me pain meds. I was made to walk to the toilets every time I felt I was bleeding or passing my baby. They even brought in gas and air for me as soon as it was confirmed. The pain stopped after I passed large tissue. I had a scan to reveal that it still wasn’t over. A week later they called me in for a DNC.

Although all miscarriages are bad that’s the one that haunts me the most.

There are so many lies about endometriosis. I fell for one of them. The one that says a hysterectomy cures Endo. I had a total hysterectomy 2 years ago yesterday and its been my biggest regret. I have 2 gorgeous babies and would not change them for the world. But having the choice taken away to have more is devastating.

I have had 11 operations due to endometriosis.

When I had my first operation to diagnose me my partner at the time did not believe me and told me if they find nothing he is leaving me.

Everything is worse now. Sex is painful, shitting is painful, I swell up 2 dress sizes in minutes, I cant exercise much, lost multiple jobs, have more operations coming. The pain is unbearable some days to the point I throw up and pass out.

The part that is the worse is that people don’t believe you. They don’t understand that you are in agony but have to carry on your day anyway. I have had people not believe I have had operations cause I bounce back fast. What they don’t understand is the pain from the operations including the hysterectomy is nothing compared to endometriosis pain.

I have had doctors say I go to hospital to get meds. I go to hospital when its got to the point that the morphine I have at home is not working anymore and im in so much pain I cant cope. I have had ambulances refuse to take me to hospital because its an on going condition I should know the signs.

That’s a picture of my belly swollen leaving me in pain and unable to move much.

Endometriosis is a terrible disease and barely anyone knows about it

OOOOH IM PISSED

OK as I have mentioned before I am streamer. I stream on 2 websites. One is a purely gaming site although you can do some IRL on there. The other is a gaming and adult site. So you can game and play with yourself at the same time.

I am poorly and have been signed off for a while. Like 6 months or so. Due to passing out and my heart randomly stopping.

The reason I am annoyed is the way guys treat girls on these sites. I will add its not all guys. Heres the issue I can sit butt naked and have dildos in every hole (FYI I don’t do that) on the adult site and its all fine and im so sexy and amazing. Im gods gift and they totally respect me and give me money.. But I sit in vest top on a hot day or do a workout stream on Twitch, then im a THOT (That Hoe Over There).

Who is anyone to judge yes I have big tits but what the hell. Get over yourself. Im actually a good COD player to but because I have big tits im a THOT. No mate your a judgemental prick.

Its the age old argument about a guy can sleep with hundreds of women but a girl sleeps with 50 men and shes a whore.

Women need to stop being judged.

OK RANT OVER

Gonna try Yoga with the girls.

So these are my worries and thoughts before I go tomorrow night.

For some reason the girls thought Yoga would be a good idea. They are obviously trying to be funny. I have to be the least flexible person they know. Not just that my balance is ridiculous I walk in to door frames and walls on a regular basis.

Now heres a few of my fears. Don’t laugh this is reality.

Firstly I have had kids and bladder reconstruction surgery. Peeing a little is a big possibility, trust me it doesn’t take much. how will I explain the wet patch.

Secondly but surely every one that does yoga is worried about this. Its the farting. A bend in the wrong direction and PUUUFFFFF its in some ones face.

Then theres the yoga pants that may rip. My sweaty bum in the air all laid bare lol.

Well that’s my thoughts for Yoga tomorrow. The girls are gonna be laughing.

Things I keep hidden

I have changed my name in hope my friends don’t find this. But I wanna tell the story of my real life. The way I feel inside.

I am writing this because some time you just have to let it all out. The sadness and the anger but you don’t know who to tell.

Everyday I wake up with a sadness in my heart. Everything a human enjoys I have lost. I have a deep saddening and even though there is a lot going on and I normally pull myself out of this rut, for some reason this time I cant.

To this date I have lost 6 babies, but I am grateful and love my two gorgeous kids that did survive. I suffered from Post Natal Depression with my first and couldn’t hold or deal with him for the first few weeks. I was lucky it didn’t last longer.

I have Endometriosis that was diagnosed in 2006. It was a fight to get diagnosed and has been a fight ever since. From 11 operations including my appendix being removed, a hysterectomy and the rest were removal of endo. My body has scars and miss shaped from surgery’s.

But all this has been a fight from doctors saying its not real and its only period pains, to being called a druggy at the hospital even though I have plenty of morphine at home. Being told I cant have an ambulance out after I collapse cause its an existing condition. To fight for every operation that I need to have to try to keep endometriosis at bay. The fact sex is impossible without pain and even taking a shit is one of the lost painful things I have experienced to the point im throwing up and passing out. But once again not being believed.

Then theres the Fibromyalgia. The full body aching, easily bruising, tiredness, forgetfulness and the brain fog. I can drive from one place to another and not remember a thing about my journey, I forget peoples name sand have to write stuff down.

I cancel doing things with friends often but they think Im being boring or lazy. I pass out on nights out and people think im to drunk. As soon as you say what you have wrong with you people always know some one that’s worse and still copes.

The nights laying in bed crying in pain but you have no one to hold you. the loneliness and isolation. Remember the days I wore nothing but heels and didn’t have to worry about my stomach swelling up 2 dress sizes and people asking if im pregnant. No one understanding how I still get upset walking down the baby isle even though I have two kids.

People saying how lucky I am because I get a disability car but I would love to pay my own way. The realisation of knowing I will never own my own home or I could die.

This is not a sob story, I just need to release some feelings.

Happy New Year

So it really does seem all I do is moan.

So I went out like many others tonight. And feel like I was set up to fail.

I have been in a depressive state lately. lost half a stone in weight, no energy, crying all the time. And no one has really noticed. Not even the girls who I call my best friends. well I think they are. I at first said no to going out as was gonna curl up in bed. All the signs were there that I was down. Even tried saying stuff. but they didn’t encourage me to come out.

The other way round I would have made sure they came to the extent I would have gone to there house and got them dressed. But nope none of that. Eventually I got a message asking me to come. So I decided I was gonna have fun.

I turn up and was given a BS story about how they were trying to trick me in to coming and knew I would turn up all along. This is how I know it was a lie…

The taxi they booked at the end of the night was only to go to there houses.

They had co-ordinated there outfits

So I turn up in sparkly trainers, jeans and a low cut top. There are glammed up in gorgeous dresses, high heel and loads of glitter. I looked like the fat, gay friend that tagged along.

The club was rammed, it looked like Nappy night. The girls got far to drunk and one fell asleep on a toilet.

I am always told that when I collapse when Im out its cause I have drunk to much (actually might be epilepsy). But tonight I had a lot more then them and im sober they couldn’t even walk.

Found out also that when I was rushed to hospital last week, instead of coming straight to see me they went MacDonald’s first. WHO does that.

Starting to think I don’t have any true friends.

The views I have that get me into trouble

Maybe im just an old fashioned girl, maybe we are all right or maybe i am just plain wrong.

I have these views and opinions that I can seem to tell people about without getting evil looks or criticized.

So brace yourselves, here goes nothing……

BENEFITS

The world has changed and this we all agree on but I also think people have got lazier. Where has the generation of workers gone. Seems like every other person is on benefits. Now this might make me more angry then most through personal reason. All I have tried to do is work and work and work. But when I work I get more ill (endometriosis) it will be my 12th operation this year. But I still stand by the fact that a lot of people think its ok to sit at home and do nothing. You should work for what you want not get handed it.

But that brings me onto another point, where have the morals gone. Women and teenagers getting pregnant to get houses off the council. A women was on Facebook the other day asking which council site was best to bid on houses.

THE FIRST COMMENT….. “If you get your mum to say your over crowded you will get a house straight away”

And no matter how much she told them she is not overcrowded they told her to lie. There are homeless people out there that need the housed not some one that has a roof over there heads.

GENDER

Here is a biggy atm. This seems to be a sore subject atm. I believe you can be whatever you want to be. But surely you are one of these…

FEMALE

MALE

MALE WANTING TO BE A FEMALE

FEMALE WANTING TO BE A MALE

I believe you can be born in the wrong body. I do not understand non-binary. How can you not be either unless you were born with both a virgina and a penis. A post I have seen lately a person claiming to be non-binary having a natural birth at home and breast feeding. You cant state you non-binary and then use everything being a women gave you. Therefore you are a women.

KIDS

So yet another biggy here. Well this will annoy a lot of people but why shouldn’t I get an opinion too. Its frustrating when every child that is naughty no matter how small is told they have ADD or ADHD. Im not saying it doesn’t exist. What I am saying is not every kid has it. I believe in slapping your child to discipline them. No im talking a tap on the bum or hand. but kids get labelled. Its getting the same with anxiety. People claiming they cant work cause they have anxiety.

Once again a personal anger towards this and I know not everyone is the same. I have had major issues in life couldn’t walk in shops or even on a bus. But I learnt to change.

OK.. So that’s my rant and opinions. Would love any comments good or bad. Maybe I can learn maybe I have changed your opinion.

All I am saying is we cant sail through life we work for what we have, don’t make excuses and be you.

Whoa

Yep im totally over excited about having 4 followers. Thank you. I did these blogs as stress relief but im actually enjoying them. Not even sure what a blog is meant to be. Im using it as a kinda diary I can share.

It is helping me but I think I am cursed or something (I say that but not sure I even believe in it)

Not going im not detail but believe me its not pretty.

So what are my options. Hmmm rabbits foot mailnly. But that means a rabbit is either limping or dead. Nope not that then

Well lucky underwear. That would mean I would wear it daily. That’s gonna smell. So nope.

Why cant I think of anything else.

Today was bad my cat had to be put down at 8 months. I was so upset watching it happen stroking his head. So upsetting and still emotional now. Gonna be a hard night. But gonna plant a rose tree with his ashes.

Im actually streaming on twitch atm. Answering questions and stuff. Its a good distraction from life.

But hey lets have fun and thanks for being you xxx