No one tells you about this side of things. The emotional stress and depression that you suffer.
And it never goes away.
From suffering for years and no one taking you seriously, from being called a druggie and a drug seeker, in my case my partner at the time threatening to split up with me if nothing was found wrong with me, loosing job after job, the pain, the lack of sex and feeling useless, the feeling of if you can have kids will my daughter be affected and the guilt. Then there is what I am suffering from at the moment which no one understands.
The feeling of loss. This is the part I cant get help for and the part I cant tell anyone. Because when I tried I got a lot of backlash off it. I was fortunate enough to have 2 kids although went through 6 miscarriages. How weird is it that I would have a 18 year old right now. I always wanted a big family as I don’t have any family. Just wanted my kids to have some one when I am unable to function.
That’s not the loss I am on about even though I think of my other 6 children everyday I am suffering from another loss aswell.
In 2017 I was taking into surgery for a total hysterectomy due to my uterus being attached to one side of my bladder. Im not sure that is something I will ever get over. It may get easier some days but its still there every day. When I see women treating kids wrong they have loads of kids hows that fair, when I walk down the baby clothes isle (which I try to avoid). When Facebook shows me pics from years ago and its my kids as babies. when I go in hospital and they always ask if im pregnant and the ask if im sure. When jobs ask if I plan on having anymore. Or people who I have told forget and make a comment like bet you want another kids soon. Watching my children grow is an amazing thing but every year they have a birthday its a reminder I will never have a baby again.
No I tell some one this and all I get is your so lucky to have two already. I know I am and they are beautiful and gorgeous. but why can no one understand my loss. I have a friend who cant have kids at all and I do feel for I really do, she is one of my oldest friends but cant talk to her about this.
Every day I feel down but I have to carry on. Im finding its making me angry and like today I rehomed one of my gorgeous kittens and that set me off in tears. I don’t know why the idea of me never being pregnant again is getting me so upset and depressed.
