Can’t sleep

Tonight will be a long night. I’m so tired but can’t sleep. Last night I barely got sleep as had 3 nightmares. The first I had a miscarriage. Now in reality I have had 6 miscarriages all resulted in me having breakdowns and last night I relived it. Some were earlier the others. I don’t wanna say the worst one but I don’t know how else to discribe it. But that was the one I dreamt about. I was 6 months and 4 days. I started bleeding and the took me to the labor ward to give birth. There was babies crying, women in labor so much noise. I gave birth to a little boy that they took away that I didn’t get to hold, that I didn’t get to see. I was 16 at the time.

The second was a dream dream as hasn’t actually happened in real life. the second was a toddler a baby girl the some how drown on a sinking wreckage. No idea what made me dream that.

The third my little girl got off the bus a stop before and I didn’t notice l. I was running up and down the streets I couldn’t find her anywhere.

Now I can’t sleep. Wide awake. Maybe because I can’t take another dream. What is wrong with me. Why am I having such bad dreams. I have never really got on with my mum and she died last September but never missed her that much until now.

It’s gonna be a long long night