Hope everyone is coping OK.
I’m at the stage where I’m not sleeping much. I think I have figured out why. Cause as soon as I realised I burst into tears. Struck a nerve.
Before the lock down I had alot going on but I had work and a busy schedule to keep all the crap that’s locked away on my head at a distance I could handle. But being on lock down its all right there. I can’t hide from it anymore.
So at night I don’t sleep. When I manage to sleep I’m getting about 4 hours. Which then causes my body to be in pain. Which then makes me more tired.
So the things that are on my mind…
To start with there is me being ill. The hot flushes, the pain, the headaches, the night sweats, the allergic reactions to my own body temperature (yeah I’m allergic to body heat) and there there is the mental health side of things. To top it off I have been told during surgery the lump they thought was endometriosis wasn’t so they didn’t touch it as they were gynaecologists, so I have a lump between my spine and bowels that causes pain but no one knows what it is and won’t look into it until the lock down is over.
Then u have my relationship. He is great it’s me I’m over thinking everything and pushing him away. He doesn’t speak to me for half hour I think he doesn’t want to. He doesn’t hold my hand I wonder why he doesn’t love me. I’m so paranoid that he doesn’t love me and this is what is gonna make him leave me. And I wouldn’t blame him at all.
Then there is the kids dad. Cafcass have said he isn’t even allowed to speak to the kids now how do I explain that to them. They have been hurt enough as it is.
