It’s that time again where if I don’t write it down I will burst nd do something silly.
Really how much stress can a heart take? My heart monitor loop recorder thing is fitted. It’s in my left boob. I’m a 34gg which mean I bounce no matter how secure the bra is. Therefore the implant hasn’t settled and keeps moving.
I can no longer lay on my front and bras hurt. See the heart doctor in the next two weeks and see my surgeon for a pre op for my endo the same week.
The things at home are the same. The ex won’t leave I’m so stressed. He promises me he will change and help more but nothing ever changes. He will never leave. The police won’t remove him as he is on the tenancy. I need to be happy.
Every day is just stress from start to finish. Arguments before I go work, arguments all day and the same when I come home. I sleep about 4 hours a night.
I collapse and got left for 45 mins on the floor. He said he heard a bang. I have a heart issue I could have died. Everyday I fight the urge to take meds to numb it all out.
His m tricked me into opening up to her saying I can trust her and have some one to talk to. About 10 mins later she is on the phone to my ex telling him everything.
I truly am alone in this world. I must have murdered thousands of children in my past life to get this punishment.
I love my kids but I do believe they would be happier without me. I have to work as there dad doesn’t they barely get to see me and when they do I’m either fighting back tears, to ill to function or extremely stressed.
But it is funny how I can go into work and no one knows. They all think I’m the cheery one.
Little do they know I’m barely making thru life.
