Today i have thought alot about all that has gone on the last year.
I sometimes feel like i am drowning in all that has happened in the last year.
Then sometimes i feel like i have done amazing to get through it all.
Other days i have no idea if im doing good or bad.
So in the last 12 months
MY MUM DIED
2 OF MY FOSTER MUMS DIED
MY FOSTER BROTHER DIED
MY DOG DIED
MY KIDS WERE LOOKED IN A HOUSE BY THERE DAD TWICE
I HAVE COURT TO GET FULL CUSTODY
THE CORONA VIRUS PUT US ON LOCK DOWN
MY PARTNER MESSAGED HIS EX TO TALK ABOUT THE GOOD OLD TIMES
I HAD MY OVARIES OUT
BACK ON CHEMO MEDS.
I think thats it. Maybe everyones life is like this an im taking it all to harsh. My hair is thinning i am back to doing adult work and im pushing everyone away unintentionally. My partner and i have worked through everything and for some unknown reason he is sticking around.
Last weekend i did something stupid and the bad thing is its all a blank. I remember going to my friends house having a small glass of wine. then going to the furnances and having a barcardi and coke and jagershots. then went to her house. we danced and her ex offered me drugs if i got my friend to sleep with him. we got in an arguement as thats not ok.
Thats the last i remember. The next day the police arrested me. I had got in my car and crashed it. well burst the tires. I went to the station the breath tested me at 55. They are not allowed to interview u until u are 35. Alcohol would normally leave ur system at about 10 per hour. I was there 5 hours and it took double the amount of time for the drink to leave my system. The police kept telling me that they would not have charged if i was a normal person and the alcohol level would have gone down as normal.
I now have a court date to worry about. Is there a chance of prison? Would i cope in prison.
How will i cope without a car when i have trouble walking distances. Will my partner stay with me if i become even more reliant on him.
I have decided that im going to speak to a doctor about all this and see if i can get some help. I have never believed in councilling but if i keep it all inside will i just crack.
Whats ur thoughts?
