How does anyone know if there anger is truly justified?
Chest is hearting AGAIN.
Im working hard sending my kids to morning club and after school club to show them you work for what u get. but tbh what do i get in return. Kids i barely get to see, who are tired. Me being ill barely able to stay awake past 7 and a huge strain on my relationship, thats if i even have one anymore.
Major surgery soon which should be a huge worry but with everything thats the thing i am least worried about the most.
People dot see how ill i am. WHY? Cause i dont play on it and im not a wimp. YES so now its classed as my fault cause i dont show it or remind people every 20 minutes. I smile through the pain of a full time job on barely no sleep, and i walk normally when people are watching me but hold my breath the whole time to mask the pain, taking a big breath when they turn away. I make out its me being old.
BUT people close to me should know this, they should know me well enough to see when im struggling. im glad the 50 year old women can work fulltime and then cook a 4 course meal and shop and change the beds. I CANT.
I start work in pain and finish work in pain and thats only half my day done. But i keep going for my kids.
Where does my life go from here. Im loosing my health, my house and my sanity. I dont even know where my relationship is at right now. I dont even know if there is trust anymore. Without trust there is no relationship.
I am not blaming anyone, its me i know it is. All my relationships have gone the same. I fall in love to fast and the guy relaxes leaving me feeling lonely and cold. I give way to much time, money and effort way to fast. I end up laying in bed unable to sleep with a million things running thru my head.
I know i need to change but i dont know how. Where do i start?
All i want is to be taken care of, to be the one in focus for just a little while everyday.
You know what i want is to be considered. I am sick of waiting for a guy to want me. Im sick of being in relationships and waiting for guys to commit. Be with them months or years and have no commitment for them to be in other relationships 5 mins and have moved in or a ring on the womens finger. Why should i wait. what are they waiting for? Why am i not good enough for them to want a future with me or want to take the next step.
SICK OF WAITING. SICK OF NOT BEING CONSIDERED. SICK OF COMMITMENT BEING THE LAST RESORT.
Live, Love and Laughter 